Like anything you’ve read of mine, you know I’m very big on the timelines and motifs of life. This is no different with relationships. We spend much of our pre-teen years chasing members of the opposite sex all while pretending boys and girls have cooties. In high school, we punch the boys we like and are rude to the girls we want to score a makeout sesh with at Friday’s big game. In our adult years, we really start playing the game, reading books like Why Men Marry Bitches and embarking on the endless saga to be the stronger person who loves less and needs less. To love unconditionally and show it is an epic fail (yes, I’m aware that this is my buzz statement of the month, but I’m still finding appropriate literary use for it) worthy of prompt dumpage from the counter relationshipee. Showing this kind of devotion at the beginning of a relationship earns our oh-so-favorite and infamous titles “Crazy,” “Stalker,” and “Obsessed.” Once the “right” game is played with endless charades of “I am FINE ON MY OWN” and the fish is caught and big diamond ring finally scored, people spend the rest of their lives bickering, having lame to mediocre sex, and generally feeling disgusted and annoyed.
Courtship may not be what it once was and people really may not love as deeply as they once did (we do, after all, spend so much time over-thinking everything I don’t know what superhero among us can still remain stable and sensitized to love), but amore is still largely what makes the world go round. However, love and relationships have taken a much, much different form in recent decades (think circa 1960). Free love basically means monogamy is dated and independence means career should take precedence over family. Who gives up a college of choice for a significant other anymore (and if they do, they spend the rest of their life resentful with lots of leverage in arguments), who falls madly in love and stays that way, and who still forgoes that big promotion in Arkansas because California has better schools for the kids (this is obviously a metaphor)? Not many people. Women need to be Barbie in a pencil skirt making six-digit salaries to be appealing and men are required to drive the jag and have at least 17 years of business experience on Wall Street by the time they are 30 to be considered eligible. And hopeless romantics? Forget those; they are the losers portrayed in romantic comedies that rarely make the ratings at box office (I mean, really, who wants to see that junk when we can see movies about promiscuity, Vegas, and political unrest?
I don’t mean to discredit relationships entirely, especially because I consider myself and many of those around me to be greatly blessed in this area, but I will say that being the cynic I am my faith in relationships in today’s society is not at its peak. It really is hard to find your match, and the average 20-something often does not get as lucky as some of us in finding love. In a world that lacks integrity and is uninterested in monogamy, it is difficult to invest heart and soul in something you don’t entirely trust, and I believe that is where our I-Don’t-Need-Anyone mentality came from to begin with. It’s easier to be strong and build walls than to put forth tremendous effort for a person who may end up letting them down in the future.
We have all been screwed by relationships in the past, and I think it’s safe to say that we as a generation are pretty jaded when it comes to the love topic. But as your textbook realist, I have to wonder why we don’t take the veracity of our situation and treat it as any other part of our life that requires effort and emotion: take it for what it is, do your best, be mature, and remember that good things come to those who wait – so splurge a little time-wise when looking for the right one so you don’t spend the rest of your life in the salon or man-cave to avoid the inevitable misery at home. Relationships are sacred, and I think it’s vitally important to preserve and protect what means the most. So don’t trash it, put down your lover, or spend too much time nagging or being unappreciative. Those things are trivial, the very thing we want our relationships to not be.
